Today has been a day of hopefulness and expectation,even though I feel like I could cry at the drop of a hat.I have been looking at curriculum all summer.I have been doing research and window shopping in every arena I know of to purchase my girls' curricula.And still,I have yet to buy one solid piece of work for them.Bills have overridden any attempt I have made to save up to buy educational materials.
But I know this is a test and God will show up at the last minute as always.He is never in a hurry,I wish I could say the same for myself.I have been pounding the information highway for anything free(worksheets,websites,ideas)that I can get my hands on.If nothing else I can wade my way through for the first 2 or three weeks.
I have tried to schedule the girls to do subjects together and schedules that would juggle my time between them.Nothing looks good on paper.So I am about to make a vague plan and trial and error my way until I find something that works for us.I am the kind of person who leans more on rigid schedule,formulas and control,but I am beginning to think that will be lesson #1 God will break me of.
I know that bible study and prayer for God's guidance each day will be my strong point.His word says the steps of a righteous man are directed by the Lord.I believe that word is for me.
Dh seems to doubt my ability;I guess you would just have to know my past and my background.But God doesn't use my history as a guide,He has plans for my future that has nothing to do with my past failures and mistakes.It really hurts when God gives you a word and even the closest people in your life don't believe in the God inside you;the Spirit of Christ that enables you and infuses you with grace to do what He called you to do.
To do something hard with support is difficult,but to do something hard with no one supporting you is harder.But it makes me that much more driven and determined ,because now I have something to prove.I do have a great friend,Cassie,that is a great encouragement.She is a single mother that is starting homeschool this year too.She is awesome and an inspiration to me.And I have a great friend Kathy,lifting me up to God for help and strength.I have a couple of friends who believe in me,I just wish dh felt the same.
I just know the next time I write I will have curriculum and support.Thanks for everyone's support and prayers.God is on my side,who can be against me?
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